The Logies got put away in a desperate attempt to be taken seriously. But there is an important element of the series that is in danger of being lost.
Like a caterpillar emerging from its cocoon into a veritable bogan butterfly, the Logies has metamorphosed.
The night of television nights – who come back tonight after a two-year hiatus induced by the pandemic – has constantly tried to revamp its perception by metamorphosing itself from national joke into esteemed honor.
The ceremony once had all the class of a fashion show in a regional mall. It used to be about celebrating soap stars with frosty tips and flaming outfits.
With the advent of social media, we all loved making the same lame jokes every year about how ridiculous the ceremony was.
“Blah blah blah Rock Eisteddfod,” we tweeted sarcastically, before adding something about Karl gets drunk again.
But the Logies are slowly cleaning up their number. Despite Tom Gleeson’s dedication to derailing the night by hijacking the votes for the first prize, the ceremony has undergone an unstoppable evolution. Like a rural cousin who goes big-smoke for college and comes home at Christmas with a half-decent haircut and a Messina addiction, the Logies have gotten a little sophisticated.
The spotlight has expanded to include a wider array of talent and shows. At the last ceremony in 2019, Gardening in Australia Costa was in contention for gold – proving that the night was no longer just a showcase of random hot 20s of At home and away.
Remember when Karl won a gong in 2011 and took the opportunity to declare that his then-wife had “the best ass I’ve ever seen”? Well, times have changed.
We are no longer accepting speeches that look like they could be delivered at a drunken 21st birthday party. The bar has been lifted.
The platform provided by the highest prize of the night has been used by winners in recent years to champion important causes. Carrie Bickmore used his 2015 win to draw attention to brain cancer while 2017 winner Samuel Johnson dedicated the award to his sick sister.
When Projects Waleed Aly won gold in 2016, he gave an inspiring speech which mixed humor with intelligence and addressed diversity. It was the finest moment that ever happened to the Logies.
Like getting a half-decent haircut and going to Messina, all of these developments are positive and should stay. But we must also preserve the tights that make up the DNA of the Logies. This little golden guy can’t forget his bogan roots.
During tonight’s broadcast, we want poorly crafted sketches from presenters who can’t quite pull off their comedic delivery. We want Hughesy comes out on stage and badmouths his peers as cameramen cut off their faces for awkward reactionary shots.
At 11 p.m., when we’re half asleep on the couch and the ceremony is only a quarter of the way through, we want Jessica Mauboy, Samantha Jade and Delta Goodrem to collaborate on an exhaustive medley to headline the evening. It’s our version of the Super Bowl halftime performance, damn it!
And has a special international guest been confirmed for tonight? The best part of each year’s ceremony is when the producers trick a Hollywood celebrity into coming.
Past stars have included Jessica Alba, Matt Le Blanc, and all non-Beyonce members of Destiny’s Child. It’s always a treat when the camera cuts to the A-lister in the crowd throughout the night and we can see them getting more and more confused as to why they were forced to come hang out with a guy called Daryl Somers.
You’d think the pantyhose would have been supercharged when the ceremony moved from Melbourne to the Gold Coast in 2018, but it’s almost as if the organizers deliberately refused to look into it. The pomp! The glamour! The glasses ! Everything is here. Don’t resist it.
Yes, every year we lament how embarrassing the ceremony is. But we wouldn’t want it any other way. We laugh at it the same way we laugh at best friends and family members. Because we love them.
After the two-year break, it’s vital that organizers come back strong to prove just how relevant the Logies are to Australian culture. Go big or go home.
And if the biggest moment of the night doesn’t include Gold Coast icon Schapelle Corby lowering into the auditorium on a wire like she’s Nikki Webster during the Olympics opening ceremony in Sydney in 2000, so the producers just aren’t trying hard enough.
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